what it feels like to see a girl cry

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Nigh people cry, but women tend to cry more frequently than men. ^[i] If you find yourself confronted by a adult female who is crying, there are steps you tin can accept to make her feel ameliorate, whether she is your significant other, a friend, or a coworker. Comforting a crying person tin strengthen your bail and brand both her and yourself feel amend. ^[2]

1. i

   Show empathy. In general, people prefer to weep in front of people they're close to--not in front end of strangers, coworkers, or acquaintances. If you're not close to her but she is still crying in forepart of you, she is probably quite distressed indeed and in need of some sympathy. It is particularly of import for you to react with empathy and not with annoyance, panic, or fear. ^[three]

2. ii

   Allow her to cry. If she does in fact want you around, let her cry. Don't try to force her to stop crying or suggest that she "buck upwards." Crying is natural and healthy, and tin can aid salvage stress and hurting. ^[iv]

   • Remember that in that location is nothing unprofessional well-nigh tears at work. Almost people weep sometimes, so crying at work is bound to happen at i time or some other. ^[5]
   • Tell her reassuring things if she seems embarrassed, such as "It is okay to cry," or "There'due south zero embarrassing about crying--we're all human being!"

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3. 3

   Demonstrate that yous are available to talk to. Because she doesn't know you lot well, she might non want to go into too much particular with you. But mayhap yous could be a helpful listening ear. Inquire questions and employ open body language to bear witness that you are willing to heed if she likes. ^{[half dozen]} For example, you could say:

   • "I know I'm your colleague, but I'm too happy to be your friend if you need someone to talk to. Practice you want to talk?"
   • "My door is always open if yous need to talk about something difficult."
   • "Is there something I tin can help you with? Even if it'southward non about work, I am happy to listen."

4. four

   Utilise active listening skills. If she decides to talk to you well-nigh her troubles, use active listening techniques to prove that you are paying attending. These include: not interrupting or providing suggestions, asking questions merely to affirm that you understand what she is saying, making middle contact, and avoiding distractions. ^[7]

5. 5

   Be compassionate, simply professional. You should human activity like a homo beingness and show that you care but yous too don't want to overstep whatever boundaries with a coworker. After all, your piece of work relationship will have to continue fifty-fifty after this incident.

   • For example, y'all might not want to offer a hug unless she asks for one. If you want to call her outside of work to check upwards on her, you should ask whether she would be comfy with that.

6. six

   Offering aid with work-related matters. Peradventure your coworker is crying considering of work stress, or perhaps there is a personal matter that is affecting her power to focus on work. In either case, if you are in a position to aid her professionally, yous might help her find solutions.^[8]

   • For case, she might need to accept some time off, or you might help her make a plan to get through a difficult professional task.
   • Only have activeness if she wants your activeness, however. It's easy to get caught up in trying to fix things the way that you recall is all-time. Nevertheless, she may not want help or may need something other than what y'all think she needs. The concluding affair you desire to practise is to make a situation worse.
   • Don't try to step in about personal matters too much. Don't feel like yous need to solve personal problems of a co-worker. Also, if you don't know her very well, do non presume that you know how to solve her problems. Be there to comfort her and mind, and focus on workplace issues.
   • If you run across no mode that y'all are able to help her fix the trouble, then apologize and tell her that you lot cannot help her fix the problem. If you know anyone whom you think can help her fix the problem, recommend that she talk to them and enlist their help.

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1. one

   Appraise the situation. There can be an infinite number of reasons why a woman might be crying. Perhaps she is grieving, stressed out, ill, or overwhelmed past joy. ^[ix] Before proceeding further, try to become a handle on what the situation might be and whether information technology is appropriate for you to attempt to comfort her.^[10] Some reasons why you might not be the right person to condolement her would be:

   • If you are afflicted by the same situation that is upsetting her. If you lot are shaken up, disturbed, or hurt by the state of affairs that made her cry, you lot might not be in a adept position to aid her. If this is the case, you might want to seek out a support network who tin can help both yous and her cope with whatever is going on. ^[11]
   • If she is crying from joy. Scientists aren't exactly sure why, just someone who is overcome with happiness might cry uncontrollably, only like someone who is scared or sad. ^[12] In cases like these, congratulating your friend or lover might exist more appropriate than trying to condolement her!
   • If she is crying because you two had a fight. Before stepping in to comfort her, you might want to calm down past yourselves for a while to make certain that the argument doesn't start back up once again.

2. 2

   Decide to comfort her. Unless at that place is a very expert reason for yous not to comfort her, you lot should make an effort to help the crying woman. Ignoring someone who is crying can be quite harmful to her emotional well-beingness. ^[thirteen] Choosing to comfort someone will allow her to recover more than apace from her tears and volition also make your relationship stronger. ^[xiv]

3. 3

   Be a good listener. This cannot be stressed enough. Tears are an important form of communication, and yous should pay attention to what she is trying to say. ^[15] Use active listening techniques, such as verbally affirming what the crying person is saying and avoiding interrupting them. In order to be the best listener yous can be, allow her to experience whatsoever she is feeling; just be there for her.^[sixteen]

   • Go on in heed that comforting is not nigh changing the other person's feelings.
   • Exist especially conscientious not to turn the conversation back to yourself: this is virtually her. Don't make it about you. Fifty-fifty if she's not behaving in the fashion you would, that doesn't mean that she doesn't deserve condolement, or that she deserves to be sad. ^[17]
   • Avoid phrases such as, "If I were in your shoes," "Have yous tried . . .," or "When that happened to me, I didn't make such a big deal out of information technology."

4. iv

   Don't minimize her pain or tell her not to cry. Tears can often be a proficient or positive action, even if they were caused by something painful. Crying tin bring physical as well as emotional relief to someone who is sorry or stressed.^[xviii] Bottling up emotions can forestall the healing from taking place. Even if it makes you uncomfortable, let her weep as much equally she needs to. She volition likely feel better for doing then.

   • In general, avert whatsoever commands, negative language, or imperatives. Stay away from phrases such as, "Don't cry," "You shouldn't exist sad," or "That doesn't sound too bad."
   • It won't assist her to claim to know all of the answers. Resist rushing correct into what you think she should or shouldn't practise to resolve her problems. Don't merits claim to know everything she is going through and how to set it. This may just brand her experience invalidated.
   • People who are crying because of a mental illness such equally severe feet or depression might really feel worse, not better, after crying.^[nineteen] If y'all think she might be crying because of a mental illness, yous should yet offer comfort and support, just you should also suggest that she see a doctor then that she can get the necessary handling.

5. five

   Affirm her sadness. Show her that you understand her pain past acknowledging that her pain is legitimate and that you sympathize with her pain. ^[xx] Use phrases like:

   • "That sucks... I'k really sorry that happened!"
   • "I understand that this must be very painful."
   • "That sounds very frustrating. I'm sad."
   • "No wonder you are upset. This sounds similar a very difficult situation."
   • "I'one thousand so sad that happened to you lot."

6. 6

   Apply nonverbal comforting techniques. A crying person might recognize comfort more readily from nonverbal comforting cues than from exact communication. Nodding, using appropriate facial expressions, making eye contact, and leaning forward tin help her know that you are concerned and that you care. ^[21]

   • While offering a tissue tin sometimes be interpreted as a caring gesture, it might too send the betoken that yous desire the crying to stop. Only provide a tissue if the crying person asks for i or seems to be looking effectually for one.

7. seven

   Assess whether physical contact is appropriate. Some people are comforted by bear on, and others are fabricated more than broken-hearted past it. ^[22] You can offering a hug if you know that she responds well to hugging. Hugs can even assist relieve stress over time. ^[23] Other kinds of appropriate impact might be holding her hand, touching her shoulder, stroking her hair, or kissing her forehead. Utilize your all-time judgment based on what you know well-nigh her preferences and the boundaries of your relationship, and e'er follow her pb. Be sure to dorsum off if she asks y'all to.

   • You can besides notice her body language to decide whether she might exist open to comforting bear upon. Defensive body language such equally clenched fists, crossed artillery and legs, or fugitive eye contact might mean that she would rather you backed off a little chip. ^[24]

8. 8

   Resist the urge to avoid the state of affairs. Many are uncomfortable with being around someone who is crying. If this is y'all, you might rush into saying something you think volition assistance while non knowing what to say. Or, you lot might discover a way to escape the situation. This will only make matters worse for her. If yous don't know what to do, attempt saying something like, "I'm sorry yous're upset. Is at that place annihilation I can do for y'all to make information technology better?" This volition at least show her you lot intendance, which may be comforting for her.

9. 9

   Offer her help instead of problem-solving. It'due south piece of cake to get caught up in trying to prepare things the mode that yous recollect is best. However, she may not want help or may demand something other than what you think she needs. The last thing yous want to exercise is to brand a situation worse. Resist the urge to problem-solve something when what you should be doing is helping her process her pain and grief. ^[25]

   • Let her know that you lot're here to assist her, but don't forcefulness information technology. Her idea of assistance may be simply having someone to talk to. Often listening is the best way to help comfort someone. ^[26]
   • Enquire open-ended questions most whether you can assist her out. For example, "Is there annihilation I can practice to assist?" or "I'd really like to assist--can yous think of annihilation that might brand your state of affairs better?" might exist good ways to start a chat nearly how you can lend a hand.
   • Sometimes someone who is upset is too overwhelmed to suggest ways for yous to assistance her. If this is the case, try providing a list of a few specific things you might be able to do to comfort her. For case, you lot might ask if she might like to go out for water ice foam, or if she would like for y'all to cease past after with a moving-picture show you could watch together. See if she responds positively to any of those comforting suggestions. ^[27]

10. x

    Step in to assist if it is appropriate. While trying to trouble-solve shouldn't be your first instinct, information technology is possible that in that location are some tangible, specific things you can practice to assistance save her pain. If it is possible for you to remove her troubles--and if she seems to want y'all to--and then y'all tin can offering to stride in in some way.

    • For example, if she is crying because she is stressed out from work, you might offer to practise some extra chores around the house to give her more fourth dimension to focus on her job. If she is crying because she had a fight with a friend, you might discuss ways for her to repair that relationship.

11. eleven

    Cheque in on her. In the adjacent few days or weeks after the crying incident, check in occasionally on her to make sure she's nonetheless doing okay. Don't exist besides invasive about information technology, only asking her out for java, asking her how she'due south doing, or calling a bit more often could be very helpful. Information technology is possible that she volition recover speedily, but she might besides need some extra time to become over her sadness. Showing your back up over that time will assist a lot.

12. 12

    Take care of yourself. Empathy is important, but it might likewise cause you to be upset or depressed. Remember to accept care of yourself too, and reach out to others if you demand help!.

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• Question

  What should I say to someone who is crying?

  

  Connell Barrett is a Human relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation, his own relationship consulting business founded in 2017 and based out of New York City. Connell advises clients based on his A.C.E. Dating System: Authenticity, Clarity, and Expressiveness. He is besides a dating passenger vehicle with the dating app The League. His piece of work has been featured in Cosmopolitan, The Oprah Magazine, and Today.

  

  Dating Coach

  Expert Answer

  Ask them what's on their heed or bothering them. Rather than offering to fix the situation, simply exist in that location to listen to them.

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• Crying can make others feel uncomfortable, but try to piece of work through that discomfort in society to provide dear and care to someone who needs it.

• No matter what, the most important affair you tin give to a crying woman is your listening ear and your empathy. Other gestures might be overnice--fixing dinner, treating her to a coffee, taking her to a movie--only your presence and attention are the all-time gifts y'all could requite.

• Remember that crying is not a problem to fix merely rather a form of communication to listen to. ^[28]

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• Crying is commonly very healthy, just it might be a sign of a more serious condition such as an feet disorder, phobia, or depression. If she cries constantly without feeling relief, you might want to propose that she talk to a professional.

• Comforting a crying person is also a good for you, caring, and positive act. It tin can sometimes have a toll, however. If you lot are feeling like you are becoming distressed by comforting someone, take care of yourself by seeking out others who could assist support you.

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Commodity Summary 10

If you want to comfort a crying woman, allow her to cry as much as she needs, since crying is a natural and healthy style to salve stress. Once she'due south ready to talk, evidence empathy for her state of affairs and be a good listener. When the woman is your significant other or close friend, understand with her pain past saying something like "I'thou and so deplorable that happened to you lot," or "That sounds like a very hard situation." Alternatively, if she's a coworker or associate, you may desire to offering your assistance instead, since stepping as well far into her personal matters may not be appropriate. In cases where y'all're not sure how y'all tin help, try recommending that she reach out to others who may be able to exercise something. For more advice from our co-author, like how to check in with the woman afterwards, proceed reading!

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